Routine problems, care for kids, misunderstanding, annoyance…When things like these are accumulated, love and mutual attraction start fading. Is it possible to become happy together again?
Ways of bringing intimacy back
Engage in a trusting dialogue again
Are we satisfied with our communication with a partner if we talk only about children and household matters? The point is that we want to be significant for a partner, see a genuine interest in their eyes. If we want to create a trusting union, why not share this desire with a partner first? Keep in mind that you should do it peacefully and without reproaches.
Stop looking at your partner with disappointment and accuse them of the fact they don’t correspond with an ideal image you had of them at the initial stage of your relationship. This is the first step to bring intimacy back into your life. Let’s consider our partner as a person we want to become happier with and try to treat them the way we want to be treated.
Remember that an affectionate talk is more likely to have positive consequences. Besides, we have to keep in mind what couple we are trying to build. Then discuss it with the partner and think how you can reach that goal. What is the most common mistake in such discussions? As a rule, we instantly start accusing each other, right? However, instead of enumerating the things a close person doesn’t do for us, it’s useful to ask what we can do for them to feel beloved. Probably, it will make them do the same for us.
With many women, there exists another typical problem. Trying to be mysterious, they often don’t say directly what they want from their partners. Men aren’t good at guessing women’s desires, and that’s the root of all disagreements, offenses, and insults. She doesn’t tell anything even if she is offended since she presumes that if a man loves her, he has to guess her desires and thoughts.
He cannot guess them; he thinks everything is fine, but since his woman behaves in a strange way without explaining a reason, he starts distancing himself from her. After this, she thinks that he doesn’t care about her at all, and everything repeats.
Not to fall a victim to such misunderstandings, women only have to learn to express their desires directly! It’s a very healthy practice! Tell him about your wishes and ask about his! Just try this practice, what can be simpler? This way, you will see you can trust your partner again, and the differences both people inevitably have won’t irritate you any longer.
Find time for each other
When children are born, a marital couple turns in a parental one and is often lost in it. A husband and wife have to find time for each other. It is useful both for a couple and their children who should know that parents have decided to live together not only for the sake of caring about them.
Some people get emotionally distracted from their partner making the latter look for the warmth somewhere else. Once the partners spend time together as a couple, it gives them the possibility to forget about routine issues and start perceiving each other as independent attractive people. Nevertheless, Fabien Cramer, a psychoanalyst, suggests “to spend some time together at home. If we spend every evening together, without a TV set, a mobile phone, and children, we show each other that a relationship matters to us.”
In case a relationship becomes trivial, perhaps the reason lies in the fact that both or one of the partners avoids facing their second half. What are they afraid of? Getting bored? Finding out they don’t correspond with the partner’s or their own expectations? These are the questions you have to consider.
Continue courting each other
What is the most typical men’s complaint about their women? “She is wearing shabby clothes at home and turns in a queen once she is going out. It seems that she doesn’t care about me any longer.” Surely, it’s always pleasant to relax at home, but there is a possibility that at a definite point, the relationship will lose an erotic element. If, on the contrary, we stay tempting for our partner, we tell them “I want you to like me,” which makes them more confident.
Apart from looking attractively at home, there are other signs of interest that are more special than an ordinary kiss in the morning or in the evening. Try to make some surprises so that the partner will be pleased to come home. Why not organize dates and prepare for them as if these were the first dates? Start conquering each other again, compliment each other as you did before, and you both will flourish.
Mutual admiration raises our self-esteem and nurtures the desire to stay together. The effort we make to make our partner sure about their beauty and individual worth, reminds them and us why she/he has become irreplaceable for us.
Put your relationship first
A couple isn’t merely a union of two people. Being in a relationship, every person finds out the things that are highly meaningful for them: communication, intimacy, confidence in the future. Once we start doubting our significance in the surrounding world, the realization of the fact that we have a partner may give us more strength.
Creating rituals that show that we are grateful for the relationship, we make a partner more confident and remind them about the importance of our relationship. Also, we remind ourselves about the responsibilities we’ve taken.
Nevertheless, common intimate space is to be protected. That’s why we have to define the boundaries between our couple and the surrounding world. You should always respect your partner regardless of the fact of what is happening between you both.
Apart from this, Fabien Cramer advises us “to confirm a connection with a partner in public and avoid dubious behavior, which means not to meet with an ex when the partner is absent and don’t engage in a close friendship with the representatives of the opposite sex.”
Does it sound too old-fashioned? Perhaps, but every couple accepts their own rules of behavior. The point you should remember is that you have to respect your beloved person’s sensitivity and not make them jealous. You should also realize what insults your partner so that you can calm them down, and also be aware of the reasons why we want to look for another partner. It happens so since when we take responsibility, we inevitably have to give up on something. It’s the price we pay to make our union with a dear person exciting.
Support each other
It’s not easy to put your partner first. It implies that we have to take into consideration all their peculiarities, listen to them attentively, and be able to put your business aside to help them. Besides, our era encourages us to be independent, which makes us close instead of open up to a beloved person and ask for help. Also, it’s very hard to admit that the closest person is different, and their feelings, needs, and intentions differ from ours.
However, we should accept the fact that the partner is different without a desire to change them. That’s what human maturity is about. Also, we should accept our partner’s past. It doesn’t mean that we have to sacrifice ourselves for the partner’s sake or aim at dominating them. We should be able to compromise hoping for reciprocity.