Can we forgive a betrayal? Should we do it? This question is highly disputable and depends exclusively on you. Every case is unique, and every couple copes with difficulties in a different way. Thus, let’s talk about every woman’s deepest fear – her husband’s betrayal.
How can I forgive my husband’s betrayal?
Having found out that we’ve been cheated on, we start creeping into the hell. Our heart is being tormented with various feelings, from offense to hurt pride. However, we cannot stop loving a dear man, which makes us feel even worse. Looking into the eyes of the dearest person, we desperately want to forget about being betrayed and return previous life back, but it is hardly possible.
To help you cope with such a situation, consider the following.
Aspects to analyze
There are different types of betrayal. Define yours
If your husband has cheated on you for some reasons only once, you can still work on this relationship. You have to seriously discuss all problems of your union. The point is that betrayal isn’t happening only to one of the partners. It is something happening to a couple, to US, not him or her.
Therefore, instead of insulting your partner or criticizing yourself, you have to understand what is happening to US as a couple. Ask your husband why this cheating’s happened, what he was trying to find, what need he wants to satisfy. Perhaps, he felt lonely or thought you also cheated on him.
Whatever his answer may be, once you know a true reason you are halfway to forgive. In case cheating is permanent, you have to consider if there is any sense staying in this relationship. Ask yourself whether you still love each other. Just be honest and mature enough to admit that, for example, your marriage has just become a comfortable excuse or a habit.
What about the second chance?
For sure, not every woman can suppress her hurt pride and give a cheater the second chance. Betrayal itself is a painful experience, and it isn’t fair to make a woman suffer the pain of forgiving an unfaithful person.
Nevertheless, if you see that a husband is really sorry about his mistake and is ready to do anything to preserve a marriage, it means he still feels something for you. If love is reciprocal, it may happen that you should try to save your union. At the same time, don’t forget to remind your husband that there would be no third chance.
Mind taking a break?
It often happens that couples break up to reunite later. Once you are free from any obligations, you will have a lot of time to re-consider what has happened and see if you have enough moral strength to forgive betrayal.
Perhaps, you will find out that life is as beautiful without a cheater as it has been with him and decide not to forgive such a blow. Likewise, you may better realize that your husband matters more to you than your pride and you are strong enough to continue staying with him if he really regrets his deed.
Find out if you haven’t contributed to cheating
Of course, it is your partner’s decision to cheat, but it may also happen that you’ve contributed to his doing so. As a matter of fact, one wrong word or indifference is enough to make your husband have a desire to prove his force and feel loved and appreciated.
If this is a case, you have to share the responsibility for his betrayal, which may help you to overcome the trauma and forgive. No matter how hard it may be and how strong the desire to blame only him, find enough strength to be wiser and consider the matter from a different angle of view.
To avoid such misunderstandings, it is highly advisable for both partners to express their true feelings and dissatisfaction with each other’s words and deeds. Bet you know what a snowfall effect is! Thus, never let your remarks spoil you from inside, tell everything directly as soon as possible; otherwise, you risk suffering a mental breakdown.
How to get over betrayal?
Betrayal is a cunning beast. It may be hiding and then hit you at the most inappropriate moment. Once this happens, we get out of breath and are likely to die. Your main task is to keep standing firmly on your feet. Never lose courage and start feeling sorry for yourself. You’d better turn your offense into power and keep moving on.
Some people may advise you to forgive your husband because women should be wise enough to preserve a family. Many Slavic women consider a divorce the worst tragedy possible because they consider their husbands a leader of the family.
The same cannot be said about Western women who are more self-sufficient and independent. However, regardless of her nationality, every woman is alive being with her own values, feelings, and opinions on what is wrong and what is right.
Thus, take as much time as you need to find out what you are really feeling. If you find enough strength to preserve marriage and give your husband a second chance, it’s wonderful; if not, well, life is still going on! Stop blaming yourself and remember that very often, exactly our hidden motives make us act in a definite way. For instance, your husband may say he doesn’t get enough attention, and by cheating on you he gets necessary love and affection. This is just the top of an iceberg whereas under the surface, there lurks his unsatisfied childish need for mother’s attention and acceptance.
The main tip for a woman who has experienced an alike situation is to find a friend’s shoulder to rely on. You don’t have to get over it alone and keep everything to yourself, it’s extremely dangerous. Trust a close person, be it your mother, sister, or best friend, and let them support you. It is not necessary to pretend that everything is fine since close people are hard to fool. Move on, find another life goal, change your life and yourself for better, and your lucky chance will find you soon!