Secrets of a successful union

The First Date: Is He / She Your Match?

The First Date: Is He / She Your Match?

On one hand, before the first date, we feel joyful because it offers a number of possibilities. On the other hand, we may also feel rather concerned about it. Bet you can remember a meeting with an acquaintance who’s made a dazzling impression first, but in the course of time, you were disappointed in them. Psychologists define several features that will help us understand how sincere a person is and if they are ready for a relationship.

Check out these traits

Deceitful humor

We tend to get captivated by people with a sense of humor. Jokes raise our mood, and contagious laughter that infects an interlocutor creates a feeling of unity. In general, women consider humor an indicator of intelligence and flexibility; especially, they value self-irony that is usually typical of psychologically healthy people.

However, researches conducted by Claudia Broombach and Chris Fraley, the psychologists, prove that behind a pile of jokes, there may be hiding very unconfident people who find it hard to engage in a close relationship. Thus, they use their wit to create an illusion of trust.

For this reason, a family psychologist and writer Peg Streep gives the following advice: “Try to notice if a partner’s perfect sense of humor doesn’t distract your attention from them. A confident person who is ready for a relationship isn’t likely to act like a clown on initial dates. It holds true for people who want to convince others and themselves of their ability to become emotionally intimate.”

The highest degree of sincerity

Without a doubt, it isn’t pleasant at all to date a person who is constantly keeping silent. Yet, researches show that excessive sincerity at the very beginning of a relationship may be a warning “red flag.”

As Peg Streep explains, “unconfident people tend to share the information on the very first date and are rather talkative. An interlocutor considers this behavior as openness and sincerity, but often it doesn’t function this way. Such people are predominantly self-centered while the interlocutor’s inner world and needs aren’t that interesting to them.

At the same time, anxious people may seem deeper and more thoughtful: their stories look more dramatic than the stories of people who feel more defended and stable. Nevertheless, we are under the spell of this impression only at an initial stage of an acquaintance. When people engage in a relationship, the partner’s constant inner anxiety may be destructive for a relationship and hard to accept.”

Are the opposites attracted?

The things that seem magnetic to us at the beginning of a relationship, may irritate us later. What happens if two potential partners behave differently during the communication process? Let’s imagine that one partner is an outgoing extravert whereas another one is a more silent introvert who needs pauses and time to think. An extravert openly demonstrates feelings and emotions while an introvert needs more time for verbal reactions. Besides, an introvert will speak quieter than an extravert.

Curiously, at the very beginning of a relationship, opposite features are likely to strengthen it; further on, however, these fundamental differences may bring people apart. Researchers emphasize that typically, a woman isn’t embarrassed that a man is taciturn. Vice versa, she believes he is a nice and attentive listener, which she associates with kindness and reliability.

Such a man may also be attracted by a woman’s talkativeness, which is interpreted as openness and sincerity. Yet, researchers have found out that in the long run, men break up with such women. Especially, if a woman’s hot character goes together with a critical mood.

Meanwhile, character differences aren’t the only reason why people break up. A break up may be caused by deeper reasons. As psychologists explain, a relationship evolves exactly because we see our unfulfilled potential in a partner. That’s why the fact that we realize our differences doesn’t endanger a union with a beloved person. Problems arise when we don’t want to put up with the differences we tend to call “incompatibility.” Nonetheless, as a rule, it means that we cannot cope with our own problems. Only true love can accept differences with joy, as a favorable possibility, not a negative obstacle.

Lies or truth?       

According to researches, 81% of people who get acquainted on the Internet, tend to exaggerate their advantages. They lie about their age, height, weight, and financial situation. The more appealing a potential romantic partner seems the more likely people are to overestimate themselves. 46% of men and 35% of women admit they’ve lied in order to seem interesting to a partner and go for a date with them.

Of course, it doesn’t mean that you will necessarily meet a liar, but once you get acquainted online and are going for the first date, you should be ready for this. As psychologists have found out, people tend to hide the unpleasant truth even during personal meetings. If a relationship continues, sooner or later the truth will become evident.

Yet, if there is a sincere bonding between both partners and they want to develop a relationship, some people are ready to forgive a lie not to lose a beloved person. It’s worse when you are dating a person who is deliberately telling lies to artificially create an illusion of warmth and trust. In this case, lie helps them to control the boundaries of your intimacy. Such partners avoid feelings; and if it seems to you that you’ve built a trusting union with them, in the long run, you may be deeply hurt when you find out the truth.

To be on the safe side, don’t forget that engaging in an online relationship you automatically agree on a game. Is it that bad? Not really, the point is that a game allows us to acquire new experiences. A game doesn’t mean lie or avoiding intimacy. Such a creative activity lets us find a new and more flexible behavioral pattern, which shouldn’t be considered an escape from reality but a new approach to it.

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